Feel the Fear and Show Up in Your Business Anyway
I have worked with several clients who’ve built businesses around the unique thing they do and the one-of-a-kind person they are—solopreneurs, service professionals, creatives. Despite that undeniable fact, these same clients all but slide under the table when I suggest that we shine a spotlight on them a little more via social media or their blog. Usually they push back with something like, “No one needs to see my face,” or “Showing my work is more important than showing my personality.” The responses are blurted with the energy of a reflex. And, more often than not, that reflex is fear.
Fear is understandable. Our brains want to protect us and being in the spotlight feels like a threat. We’re afraid to show ourselves in our business because we believe—consciously or unconsciously—that the risk is too high. But before we take orders from our anxious brains, let’s get curious about what scares us.
1. Get Clear About the Fear
It’s important to feel our fear and not just shoo it away. It can help to write down all the thoughts that come up when you feel resistance to having a more public face in your business.
Our fear-based beliefs might be something like…
Shining my light will leave others in the dark.
Sharing my joy or success will rob others of theirs.
Sharing my know-how will make me look like a know-it-all.
If I put myself out there, I’ll be left standing alone.
Putting the spotlight on me will take the focus off my business.
People just want the work I do. No one cares about me.
Sharing my stuff will open me up to criticism, misunderstanding or harassment.
What I do isn’t enough—good enough, profound enough, etc.
Promoting myself feels fake or gross.
Those fears are valid. I would never try to talk anyone out of their feelings. That said, I believe that our scared thoughts are a good starting place for compassion and growth, not the best place to end the conversation.
2. Reframe the What-ifs
Once you have your fears on the page (or screen) in front of you, take a crack at rewriting them with what else might happen. I’ve taken the fear statements above and come up with some other possibilities for how they could turn out.
Shining my light might light the way for others.
Sharing my joy or success may give others a chance to celebrate alongside me.
Sharing my know-how could help people seeking expertise.
If I put myself out there, I might find like-minded people.
Occasionally putting the spotlight on me will give people a more personal connection to my business.
People want the work I do because it reflects who I am.
Sharing my stuff might open me up to criticism, to being misunderstood or to being threatened or harassed. Therefore, I can decide what and how much I share and how I respond accordingly.
What I have to share now is enough for now. What I have to share in the future will be enough then. I am allowed to evolve.
Being present in my business doesn’t have to be gross or fake.
The point of this exercise is not to say that the initial fears are dead wrong and the positive reframe is more accurate. It’s to open up our minds to more possibilities beyond our negativity bias.
3. Play Out the Worst Case Scenario
If you’re in a headspace where you can’t entertain more positive possibilities (been there), try playing out the worst case scenario. For example,
Sharing my know-how will make me look like a know-it-all. People I know will talk behind my back about how great I think I am. Strangers will leave critical comments on my social media posts.
First, let’s assume that this what-if is true. You won’t know about people talking behind your back, so it’s not really a problem. In the highly unlikely event that you happen to catch a gossip sesh about you, you can be sure that the pettiness has everything to do with them and nothing to do with you. If anyone leaves critical comments, you can either correct the record in a reply or delete the comments. Think about whether any of this critical feedback actually affects your business. In all likelihood, it won’t cost your finances or your reputation. The worst case isn’t usually all that bad.
4. Acknowledge the Risks of Sharing
Sharing anything online comes with risks, especially if you are Black, Indigenous, Latinx, Asian, queer, trans, disabled and/or a woman. Some folks will find ways to be hateful no matter what we share. Part of your marketing strategy needs to incorporate safety measures for everyone on your team, protocols for dealing with derogatory comments, self-care and team care practices. Make informed choices about what you share and what you don’t to ensure safety and wellbeing.
Aside from hateful comments, putting yourself out there does leave you open to public comment and you will need to learn how to process that feedback. Make a plan for addressing feedback that feels responsible and values-aligned so you’re not caught off guard by emotion in the moment.
Sharing your point of view makes it more likely that you may make mistakes or cause harm. This is only a major problem if you are not willing to learn and do better. Before you share any content, ask yourself:
What is the purpose of this post?
Does it clearly and accurately reflect my current point-of-view?
Think of at least 3 different people your post might reach (across age, race, gender, etc.) and what their reaction to this post might be. Are you causing harm to anyone, especially anyone vulnerable or marginalized?
If you are called out for causing harm, acknowledge it and apologize as soon as possible. Think through how the mistake happened and how you will avoid it in the future. What changes need to be made to do better next time?
5. Remind Yourself Why You’re Sharing
If you’ve read this far, I’m going to guess that you’re not a real spotlight hog or droning speechifier. You care about what you do and the people you work with. That’s exactly why we need to see and hear more from you.
There are people out there who need what you have to offer. There’s a new business owner who needs someone to look up to as they’re figuring out everything under the sun. There’s someone who wants to invest in you because they believe your business has real potential. There are would-be clients looking to make a more personal connection to the businesses they support.
